Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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