ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize