were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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