I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
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