ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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