You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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