She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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