To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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