I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
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