I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
where are you?
Hypothermia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize