I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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