is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
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She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
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Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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