eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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