My hair reeks of homosexuality.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
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She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
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So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize