She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
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