sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
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