anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Such a big mess for such a small penis
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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