It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
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of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
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my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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