I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
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Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
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i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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