he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
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He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
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I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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