no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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