I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize