he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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