apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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