Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
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I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
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Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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