When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize