At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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