If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
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That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
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Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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