I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
You took a bar mat shot.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize