I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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