Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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