i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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