Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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