I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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