those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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