I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize