so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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