I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize