Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
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The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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