Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize