You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize