All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You have to summon your inner elephant
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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