Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize