part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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