ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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