He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize