I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize