Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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