I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
you are never too drunk for berry picking
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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