I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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